An accountant, an underachiever, and an imposter walk into an airport…
This afternoon three of us are on our way home. We were part of a teaching team presenting Continuing Professional Education to younger accountants from across the United States. Settling into an airport workstation near the boarding gate, joining me are my unwelcome mentors Mr. Underachiever and Imposter Syndrome. We debrief on the week that was.
We are processing the week’s events; presenting annual tax training at a hotel / conference center in the western United States. As part of the teaching team, my topics were of interest to up and coming tax accountants, probably not of interest to you, dear reader. My topics were “An Introduction to S Corporations,” “Partnership Loss Limitations,” and “Business Entity Type Options and Examples.” In my world these, and other topic taught by my colleagues, are technically important and information worth knowing so we can serve and advise our clients well.
“Describe yourself in one word” – Mr. Underachiever
On paper, I’m very qualified: My career includes public accounting for 16 years and counting, private accounting 21, and I started a week after graduation. I specialize in this stuff. Why worry?
Why I worry: During our debriefing, Mr. Underachiever reminds me that “underachiever” was how I would describe myself in one word. I qualify for Mensa membership have I left a lot of potential on the table? Before graduation I had two good job offers, public accounting or an electric utility. Choosing the safe route, or so I thought, utility staff accountant was my career choice, and I thought I was set for life. Also, this gave me a chance to live in the Big City instead of the medium city with a lot of lake effect snow. For three years I learned how to track electricity bought and sold among utilities, then got promoted to reading microfiche for property, plant, and equipment improvements. That did not serve me well when mergers, acquisitions, and job losses came. After that surprise, slowly but surely, I reinvented my career small business accounting (bookkeeping?) gigs, finally scoring a big win when I helped Darling Bride’s parents’ operation of their successful bakery until it came time to sell.
Looking back to see God’s providence, I believe God’s providence gave me a unique skill set that makes my expertise sought after today. Then again, while my peers were working their ways up the public accounting and other corporate ladders, God was refining me as I became an expert in QuickBooks accounting, payroll, fixed assets, wedding cake delivery and setup, and managing a lunch rush in our deli, among other things.
Ultimately, I didn’t want to be a bakery operator, and God provided a public accounting opportunity with a very small firm. A 43 year old Staff Accountant is not bad in itself until compared to some peers who were partners in their firms.
Ten years ago, God chose to bring his behind the scenes work to the front of the stage, and I was offered a career position with a prestigious firm. Today I work with excellent clients around the country and get to teach what I’ve learned to clients, the next generation of professionals, whether they be in my office or, as in the case this week, around the country.
I’ll concede that maybe I didn’t reach my full potential, but maybe in God’s providence I have.
“You will mess up.” – Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome has something to say: Maybe too much potential? About six weeks ago I received last year’s PowerPoint files for the topics I’ve been assigned. “I’m supposed to teach THIS?!?!” I know the material but now I must make sure I know it well enough to talk about it with my facts straight and have enough content to cover the assigned time. Then there is the administrative part. Flights to book, bringing my slides current and make them my own, keep up with my billable client, looking forward to networking (gasp!) with fellow instructors and participants. How did we get ourselves into this mess? I volunteered, of course, and got department head. I’ve done this type of thing before, last year in Florida for our internal (company only) training. I won’t be with strangers, but with colleagues I know, and others I will meet. Last year This summer I presented virtually. “I know what I’m doing,” I remind Imposter Syndrome.
Underachiever and Imposter remind me of the what ifs – “What am I doing here? What if I run out of slides before I run out of time? What if I read the slides instead of illustrate with examples? What if I get a question I cannot answer? What if the facts in my slide (and the script in my head) are wrong? What if I miss a flight? What if I get COVID on the plane? – Me this week
“You’re a good teacher” – My Managing Director
“I admire you” – Darling Bride
“Hootses do hard things.” – Us to our kids
What really happened this week is that I made the flights, enjoyed dinners with my colleagues (who are a lot like me, turns out), stood in between a big screen and rows of young accountants, summarized the information on the screen and illustrated with stories. I also got sincere positive feedback – when participants come up after a session with detailed questions about specific scenarios, they were paying attention and figuring out how to apply it. That’s better feedback than an online survey. Also a few bonus points for unsolicited questions during some talks. Take that Underachiever and Imposter! Flying home tonight with a big win.
About that networking (gasp!)
As an introvert, I wanted to avoid networking, dinners, small talk. I’m Generation X – I don’t want small talk; I want real talk. I want to go to my room and doomscroll Substack and/or watch the Pacers lose another basketball game. This week was different. We instructors who knew each other already did not bring our best selves to dinner; our true selves did. When Darling Bride sent a text photo of one of our cats and I showed it off, that got the other cat people searching their phones for pictures of their cats too. The die hard cat people upped the ante with cat tattoos. Also, we talked about real life back home, then occasionally about presentations, flights, regular work and e-mails accumulating, missing our spouses / kids / pets. It all affirmed of what I know in theory, affirmed during a late night dinner. For a couple of hours, we indirectly affirmed each other’s humanity – Generation X, Millennials, maybe even a Boomer or two.
Lesson learned
Time to wrap up this debriefing with a severance conversation. Mr. Underachiever and Imposter Syndrome, your services are no longer welcome. I have things to do, places to go, people to see, and a season of life to thrive in.
Not only that, but God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are supposed to be my mentors in life, not you two clowns.
And another thing, I also have a Darling Bride and family (including those cats) to get back to (Sorry Pippin, I want my side of the bed back). We have a Christkindlmarkt to go to, and the most important thing we do each week, our local church on Sunday.
I wish I could say that I’ve left Underachiever and Imposter behind at the airport. Eventually they will make the 984 mile journey to my home and show up when they are not welcome. That will be dealt with in due time, with God’s help, including the wonderful people He has put into my life.
How about you?
Are Mr./Ms. Underachiever and Imposter Syndrome co-authoring your posts and books? Do they ride with you on your daily commute? Do they provide unwanted advice when you are trying to thrive with your spouse / significant other / friends / church / children? What can you do to get rid of their unwanted contributions?
We are all here trying our best to figure all this out.